On the Brink of Insanity
by Urge2Kill
Summary: Bel27. B27. One can realize the loss only after it happened. Is there a way to revert things back to how they were? Is there a way to bring the dead back to life? And, what if... there is a way?


**Warning**: mentions of character death. Mild mentions of violence and yaoi. Major OOCness I guess since it's my first time writing Bel.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own KHR.

**Beta**: kikyokyoyahibari

**Interlude/Note**: the events take place in the TYL future. The one after Tsuna & Co saved the world etc. (I mean supposedly fixed and patched up the future so after they lived ten years there is no Byakuran here).

**On the Brink**

_**Sanity**__. The one thing everyone wants but can't get-because soon enough we all realize the truth - were all a bit mad._

_**Urban Dictionary**_

It had been a year. And it was the longest year in Prince's life. At first he thought it was nothing. Yes, his crime was serious no matter how you look at it. That fact alone set his mind to panic for some hours. He couldn't imagine the punishment he would receive if they found out. But he wasn't revealed and he naturally concluded it was nothing.

He was a genius after all and his mind was free of any stereotypical thinking. And, with no doubt, he was excellent at hiding things with erasing (cutting) anything, even the tiniest traces. The Arcobaleno glanced at him suspiciously at first. But now even that was gone.

His dirty secret remained only his. But why? Why the hell it turned out not only as something more than nothing but as everything? Why was he coming here so frequently? Why did he keep seeing those dreams? The dreams were a turn on for his body but they tore his mind into pieces. It was a really long year. He could barely recall the missions he got. He could barely remember what kept him busy all the time. Any occupation was nothing but a distraction that kept him from visiting 'that' place. Needless to mention, he was glad when distracted. He was the Prince after all. And princes didn't become attached to anything peasant-related.

But, nevertheless, mocking Squalo was not entertaining any more. Messing with Mammon became meaningless too. No fun. No fun at all. Vongola used to be fun, wasn't he? The other flooded his mind way more than when he was still alive. And Belphegor had to reconsider things he wanted to forget.

Bel overlooked most of the things he was used to believe. Now he was sure he had been relatively sane before. Before he had broken his favorite toy.

…

The blonde guy with messy hair that hid his eyes was standing before a grey stone somewhere deep in the forest. The place he was visiting wasn't anything special. If one was taken mere twenty meters away from it he wouldn't be able to find it again. But the blonde young man with a ridiculous tiara on his head and equally out-of-place grin was a frequent guest here. He often came to this simple stone and spent hours there: talking, laughing like mad, hitting the stone, yelling curses and even crying.

The guy spoke to the stone like it was someone special. The man didn't look like he was leading a one-sided conversation at all. His expressions changed every now and then. If anyone saw him like that he wouldn't believe his eyes. The grotesque blonde that always kept his eyes hidden and stretched his lips in impossible grins showed totally different faces. He smiled. He sighed. He frowned. He ruffled his hair revealing his blue eyes as if he was asked something confusing. He clenched his teeth and pressed his lips tightly together as if he was angry. Numerous emotions: one replacing another like images in kaleidoscope.

Nobody would normally notice how thin pale and swollen those lips were when not stretched in a cocky grin. No one knew how cold those blue eyes were since they were always hidden behind the long bangs.

…

Nobody knew. And nobody was supposed to know they were together. At least the small brunette the Prince used to play with from time to time thought they were together and was faithful. It always amused Belphegor. How Vongola treasured his position of the Prince's toy. Bel couldn't even remember when and how it all started. But Vongola must've known since he gave presents to him for 'another year together', 'anniversaries' or some other ridiculous dates like 'on this day … years ago we first kissed'.

Needless to say Belphegor never saw the other as his lover. The highest position he could give the brunette was that of a 'sex friend'. Well, since he was the Prince their relationship reminded that of 'master and slave' more.

At first Bel just had an interest in Tsuna's body. It was just a need to try it out. And he got what he wanted really quickly. He was the Prince after all so having the right of the first night was only a given. It wasn't hard to take something that was willing to be taken after all. But somehow along the way things got more serious.

Bel never meant to abandon his freedom (I-will-fuck-whoever-I-want kind of freedom too) for someone's sake and never did. Especially when the situation was like that: dominating not simply his boss, but his boss' boss. It was fun and it kept him entertained. Wasn't it just wonderful? He could hurt and order around Vongola all he wanted.

But the Prince got bored easily. And sooner or later the moment he got tired of Vongola would have come. And it came one day. But his small toy proved to be stubborn and didn't want to get lost. Like Bel cared. But after some time he found himself missing the joy of playing with the small body of Tsuna that appeared to be quite delicious. And he came back to satisfy his need. It was so fun to watch the toy gleaming with happiness. Tsunayoshi was all sparkles almost literally.

The Prince was free to do anything to his toy. He left when he wanted to. He came back again. He made the brunette happy because he liked the smiling face of young Vongola. It didn't take a lot to make the other happy too.

And, he got the toy hurt all he wanted as well. He had always liked the sight of blood and 'the Vongola blood' was something special too. Maybe it wasn't as good as his own royal blood but it was unique nevertheless. It was something that could keep him in place by Tsuna's side so the brunette was more than willing to offer that. The Prince even wondered if the peasant was a masochist.

But after some time it had changed. Vongola had shown him his true character. The _Family_ was more important than the Prince after all. Belphegor didn't like it. He was the Prince and had all rights to be greedy. He punished the toy for not being good. But the situation kept repeating itself like a loop.

And then the Prince started to notice the way other peasants used to look at his favorite toy. It was annoying. And Tsuna was friendly, supporting and all-understanding towards everyone. The Prince didn't like it. And then the day came when Tsuna's behavior was misunderstood and Bel saw Mukuro kissing his toy after Vongola saved the illusionist from Vendice. All the core members of the _Family_ took part in the mission and saw the scene. The kiss itself wasn't the most annoying thing. Of course, the Prince didn't like it when somebody touched his things. His things were only his. However, what greatly displeased the royalty were the faces. The reactions of the Guardians that showed how many of them and how badly wanted to touch his possession.

After that, when the rest of the _Family_ was busy fussing around Mukuro, they left and had a conversation. It wasn't supposed to end like that. It was an accident. After all, his toy was rather shock-proof. It was an accident. Apparently the Prince was injured before their lovely talk. Belphegor used a bit too much force and the wound reopened. The Prince would be glad to know what happened after his royal blood came out but his memory kept only several images of what he had committed. It wasn't surprising. He always blacked out and couldn't remember a thing after he caught the sight of his own blood.

What he clearly remembered was the fact that Vongola didn't show any resistance. On the contrary, Tsunayoshi was happy and kept repeating that they were lovers since Bel got jealous.

But the result was inevitable: somehow it happened so that he'd broken the toy. Vongola was dead. It was when the realization hit him. He really was in trouble. For a crime like that he would've been torn to pieces. And those pieces would be burned to ashes.

So, since then Vongola went missing. For everyone he was just MIA. And they stubbornly kept looking for their lost boss. And Bel was 'searching' too, adding some false evidence for the investigation every now and then. But, Belphegor knew. Only Bel knew the place where Tsuna was. Here. Deep in the forest. Under this unnoticeable grey stone.

…

But after Vongola was gone everything changed.

It seemed like Tsuna left this world to settle himself into the genius' head. There wasn't a single day without thoughts of the brunette. There wasn't a single night without dreams and fantasies of the Decimo. Most of those dreams left the Prince with wet boxers but some of them - with wet cheeks and bloodshot eyes. Frankly speaking, usually it was both.

Somehow Belphegor remembered things that might have been just stacked somewhere in depth of his memory. The way Vongola walked. The way Vongola smiled at him secretly when he visited the Varia HQ. The way Tsuna shivered when Bel touched his knee under the table during the meetings. Even the way he said 'moshi-moshi' when he answered the phone. And, of course the faces he made in bed during their mostly short and rushed but heated sessions in between the meetings or missions.

The feelings of loss, longing and missing something important that the Prince had when he first dumped the brunette came back but with exponentially increased force fading the rest of the world and leaving once selfish and careless in its genius mind totally ruined and blank. The whole world became a mere background or even a decoration in a cheap provincial theatre.

Once the Prince heard that murderers often return to the crime scenes. It sat wrong with him and seemed and funny then. He himself assassinated lots a people and killed even more for the sake of joy. He never felt like coming to the place where he committed the deed. He couldn't even remember where it was because of his after-the-royal-blood-spilled condition. But now he felt like that ridiculous thing some so-called scientists announced was true.

He came to his lover's grave a lot. It wasn't exactly a grave. Fuck, he wasn't exactly his lover. No, now it was crystal clear for Belphegor... Vongola **was** his lover. And more over... for him Vongola still was his lover.

So he went on coming to this place. The place where he buried the unmoving body during his shameful panic attack. At first he felt the same panic and disbelief when he saw the stone he placed over a newly created grave to protect it from scavengers. That was truly painfully ironic.

He never once had an urge to protect Tsuna. But, he did it for the first time when Tsuna was nothing but a barely warm corpse.

Then he started talking to the grave stone. Vongola's Sky was still there after all. He asked the other how it was there. He asked why he died. He even told the news about his beloved _Family_.

Then he started yelling at the grave. Why was the damn _Family_ more important? Why were those peasants staring at his toy? Why didn't Tsuna stop him? He could and had all rights to do so. Then why? And why didn't Tsuna show him the importance of his life, his existence in Bel's life? It wasn't Bel's fault at all! It was the Family's fault and Tsuna's bad too.

All the time he was grinning. Grinning like an idiot or like insane Prince the Ripper as everybody knew him.

It was all the same with him. He knew it too well... No Siel – no problem. No _Family_ – no problem. If he only knew it beforehand... he would RIP THEM ALL! The cockroaches like them deserved only this.

If only Vongola was personally his... with no _Family_ in their way... It wouldn't ever happen.

Sure, Bel apologized to the grave... Tsuna loved his _Family_. And Vongola wouldn't forgive those words... Wait... Did the Prince apologize?

…

Here again. He didn't feel like talking too much.

"Ushishishi… Missed me, Vongola?"

"The Prince is bored you could be nicer, peasant."

"Shishi Your right hand man is truly an idiot. Shishishi. Yes, the Prince is genius and wouldn't go to Japan to look for you. Shishi. Especially after a year passed."

"Sawada, it's our anniversary. A year since we started to meet only at this dull place. Shishishi. I have a present for you."

*POOF*

For few seconds instead of the familiar landscape and too familiar grey stone Bel saw only pink.

He had a faint memory that he had already seen something like that before.

When he heard a short series of coughs and then HIS TOY'S voice coming from the thick smoke Belphegor remembered when and where he saw the same thing. It was a redundant and awfully useless knowledge but it flashed through his mind: "the Lightening Ring Battle. Five minutes of switch with the ten years older self. In this case ten years younger Sawada is here for five minutes."

…

Their face-to-face meeting wasn't something eventful. But it definitely was something fateful. As Prince's genius mind predicted the younger version of his lover wasted almost a minute for confusion. Then almost three minutes for useless panic and futile escape attempts. And then one minute was thoroughly used by Belphegor who easily captured and tied up the brunette to get a good taste of the body he missed so much.

Needless to say the short time Belphegor spent with the object of his longing only increased his appetite and instead of easing his need and pain just made it worse. Showing mirage of oasis to a dying person in the desert wasn't very nice. More like cruel. The bazooka's five minutes did exactly the same. Hurt.

…

He was too tired of waiting for Tsuna to return. However Bel never doubted the Decimo will return to his side. He even believed in his own fake evidences while imitating the 'search' for the _Family_.

He was the Prince and the Prince wanted his possession back. And Prince the Ripper was a genius. The one with an unsolved task. And he had just got the hint about the solution he wanted so badly.


End file.
